Worth It?

Ok. So I can't blog at school. It's like Fort Knox on those computers. You can't do much of anything. Including looking, much less writing, on a blog.
A question came to mind today as Brian and I were hanging out with the baby. What is it worth? Staying home that is. When does it become: this isn't worth it? Or, is anything worth the price to be a stay at home mom?
Let me explain.
Brian works hard, long hours. He is gone at 7 and doesn't come home till 7. We eat dinner, Abbie goes down, I clean up and go to bed. End of night. He is has been given a promotion (yeah rah!) and that should (hopefully) mean more money and more responsibility. But is it worth the sacrifice of not seeing your husband often? Him seeing Abbie as I pretty much walk her to bed? He has call every other week and that is an extra 36 hours a week on top of his 40. That is a lot of work. I know he does it to get ahead and to do a good job and to try to make more money to get me home or part-time. But when do you say, we are o.k. where we are at? Slow down and just be?
I love my husband and I don't want him getting burnt out on work or to miss out and regret Abbie's growth and milestones. (like she is now finding her hands...well, more like her wrist but she's trying!)
With all this said, I appreciate the goal my husband has in mind and I support him. I also want him to enjoy fatherhood without the "feeling" that he has to get me to be home. I am o.k. where I am. God has given me peace about it. This is where He needs me right now. Working, being a mom, and a wife. And with that, I am good.

New Beginning

Tomorrow I begin Weight Watchers. I would today except I had Whataburger for breakfast and that was almost all my points except for 6 or so. No need to get off on the wrong foot. I have my menu all laid out of what to eat and what I think each meal is worth. I have my lunches and breakfasts done too. Hopefully by this time next week I will have dropped at least 2 pounds.
At the same time, I have completed the first full week of school and it was ok. It is just so tiring with a class that won't listen. They like to listen when they feel like it and that doesn't work for me. So, what do you do with students who don't do what you ask, talk CONSTANTLY no matter where you are, and look at you like, "Who me?" YES YOU! These are fourth graders that should know better and they do. They are choosing not to do whatever. Maybe it reflects on me not being strict enough. Any suggestions out there of "creative" disciplines? (that won't get me fired!)

New Principal

I have a new principal. Actually she has been there all year. I haven't. She is wonderful. She is personal, friendly, and doesn't scare me (like Mr. Key did). I feel comfortable around her but not so much to just let it all loose. I am glad with the change. I know that she moved me and I think I finally understand why. She knows that 4th did not plan together like "cookie cutters" (as 4th calls it) and 3rd does. I like that. I can go to my team any time I need help but am not told what to do, when to do it. Of course, I can sit and wonder why the "other" person wasn't moved so that 3rd grade could have a good shake up with all new blood. I can't focus on that. I can just look at where I am at and know, it's all good.

A New Body

So, it has been almost three months after the birth of my precious Abbie and the weight....is lingering. I was excercising when I was at home and not eating all that great. Now, I eat better and don't exercise. I get stressed nightly when the question comes, "What am I going to wear?" It is horrible. Nothing fits...still. I went shopping and had tons of clothes and nothing. I am getting a bit frustrated about this. I think that is one reason why I don't want to work. How selfish. I don't like how I look now and I don't like how I look in clothes. I want my old self back. I keep hearing 9 months on, 9 months off. I am on a mission now. I think I shall try Slim Fast with Weight Watchers. My goal is 10 pounds off by Thanksgiving. That is around 2 pounds a week off.
My prayer now is to feel confident in who I am (not what I am) and just get my mind off me and onto Him. It's a daily struggle when I have it so engraved in my mind. He has provided me with all I need and He can provide me with self-discipline too!

So you can tell...

that I have returned to work and am not blogging much. I am sitting here with Abbie while poker night is happening in the living room. We got the boot!
I can't believe how easy the transition has been. I do miss her during the day but I don't ache for her. I do leave as soon as I can to come home and spend the rest of the afternoon with her.
I am finding it difficult to balance her, work, Brian, house work, and life. I come home and she's awake so we play and I don't get to laundry, cleaning, etc. Much less dinner. Then it's getting her fed, ready for bed, and when she goes to bed, I am ready too. I was doing laundry at 6:30 this morning because I had time to squeeze it in.
I am finding working challenging but it is ok.
Oh yeah, and on top of these blessings, Brian got a promotion...and maybe another raise to go with it. One step closer...

God's Blessings

Wow, I can't believe there are people out there who don't believe in God. He is absolutely amazing. First off, Brian gets a big raise! :) This helps compensate for the money taken out of my check from maternity leave. (You have to use your days then any after that is deducted from your check.) I have also been worried about returning to work and leaving Abbie (and Young and the Restless) and have been praying for peace. God has again answered. I don't feel as worried as I thought and not as consumed with her as I thought I would be. He is has just given me no worries about it. I have my room all cleaned up, organized, and have lesson plans for this week and next with copies. On top of that, I have three moms that come in weekly to do anything I need in the classroom. Can you say bulletin board? They have been up since the beginning of school. With that said, God is amazing and I am blessed to teach and have good hours and weekends and holidays. Thank you God for your gift and for opening my eyes to see it.

Tick Tock

Tick tock, tick tock...
That is the sound of maternity leave leaving...
I will be back in grind soon. I am enjoying a beautiful day with my baby girl and feeling ok right now. I have staff development on Monday and Tuesday so those are half days but I have to go work in my room and do lesson plans. I can work as much...or little as I want. Wednesday will be the big day though.
I continue to ask God to cover me with peace and for me to embrace it. He has been faithful and will continue to be. I will continue to ask for a way to stay home but until he answers that prayer, may I be a diligent worker for him.

Chilly Day

It is a wonderful chilly day in Texas. I absolutely love it and crave Starbucks on these days. That will be the downfall of returning to work--no quick Starbucks runs. :(
I feel a bit worried about going back. I have to (or feel like I have to) clean and reorganize my room. Throw it all away and start over. Create lesson plans. Figure out where in the world we are in the learning process, what has been covered, what hasn't and so forth. You can be so overwhelmed by it all. On top of it, I have to leave my precious baby at home. The day I have been dreading is just around the corner and there is no stopping it. With that said, I will stop talking about the dread of it and find the blessing. I know it's there somewhere!

Computer

Today Abbie and I went to get flowers and hot chocolate from Starbucks for my sub at school. She almost cried which made me almost cry. I think she was very grateful. I picked up my laptop to put pictures of Abs on it. I now have several folders of pics and created a slideshow as my screensaver. I have a little photo album to take along with frames and magnetic frames...eww magnetic. At Target I found the cutest dragonfly picture clip frame and put a picture of her in her dragonfly clothes in it. So cute! Needless to say, there will be no room for kids work. It will be all about Abigail.

Last Days

I am sitting and playing with Abbie and thinking about our last days. Today we went to eat lunch with Brian for the last time, we are playing on a Wednesday afternoon for the last time. I will be returning to work next week and am dreading it. Don't get me wrong, the grandparents will do a great job. It is just that I won't be there to see her cute smiles and cooing. I won't get to calm her when she is fussy. I won't get to rock her or feed her. It will be a huge change for me. I have been praying double time for God to just fill me with peace about leaving her and working. She is just the cutest thing ever and it makes it harder to leave. Until Monday, I am savoring my final days with her at home and praying for God to open doors at Brian's work for him to make more (and a bit more) money to allow me stay home. Until then, I pray to embrace that God's grace is sufficient for me.

Wal-Mart vs. Target

After writing about Target and the comment I got to thinking: I believe there are two kinds of people of in the world. Those who like Wal-Mart and those who like Target. I think it says a lot (well, not a lot) about what kind of person you are based on your preference. The only thing I like about Wal-Mart is the photo center because I download pictures then can pick them up in an hour. For all other shopping needs, it's Target. Which do you prefer?

Deep in the Heart of Texas

I was outside the other day and noticed our yard was looking a wee bit rough. Like something had kind of torn up the grass. I didn't give it much thought. Brian and I were talking with our neighbor and said it was an armadillo. He said around the neighborhood you could see where they are digging up yards. The armadillo at his house dug a big hole to get under his fence. I asked why you never see an armadillo alive. Sure, I see them all the time on the side of the road with their tails in the air but never alive. Our neighbor said you have to catch them in the middle of the night. That works well with me up with Abbie.
Brian was getting ready to go to Uptown to volunteer and I was feeding Abbie. He had apparently decided to go out armadillo hunting and found it. I put Abbie down and went out to look. We thought it had left and looked around in the yards and then went between our house and our neighbors and sure enough, there it was. THE armadillo. Brian took a picture of the monster and tried to get closer but it took off into our neighbors bushes. I stood out by the mailbox. We have captured the critter just in case you too have never seen one alive.

Pumpkins and Smiles

We went to the pumpkin patch to take pics of Abbie. I had a blast. First, you get to ride a train around the property through trees, by a house, over a pond. Sounds like going to grandma's house. Then you get off by the pumpkins. Of course she slept through it all. Soundly. It was fun though to get new pictures of her and of us with her.
When we got home, we downloaded the pictures and then found out that we are beginning to make Abbie smile! To prove it, we have pictures of the smiley girl for your viewing pleasure as well as pics at the pumpkin patch.