I was watching GMA this morning and the great spank debate was on. My palms got sweaty and my heart racing because I feel passionate about this subject. I am sure each parent does and therefore, takes their stance. I will give you mine first and then tell my reasons why, biblically. We spank. There. Said it, now you know.
On GMA the grandparents spanked their grandchildren, not the parents, that is where I differ on the subject. Only parents should be the ones spanking because they are the ones responsible for training the children. Grandparents, or any other adult in the child's life, should not do this and should consider an alternative, like timeout, and then allow the parent to decide at a later time if a spanking should occur. Spanking should not be placed in the hands of any adult, except for mom and dad. Period.
Proverbs 13:24 comes to mind for most: Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Biblically-balanced discipline never physically endangers a child. (pg. 109 Shepherding a Child's Heart)
What does this mean? Spanking shows love. BUT, spanking has boundaries.
What spanking is:
Parental Exercise: Goes to what I said before, parents only!
Act of Faith: God has mandated its use.
Act of Faithfulness: In discipline, there is hope, expression of love and commitment.
A Responsibility: It's not to punish but the parent should obey God's word and what God has called the parent to do.
A Physical Punishment: It is careful, timely, measured and controlled, never for venting. The child knows how many swats are coming.
A Rescue Mission: The child has become distanced from parents through disobedience and the spanking rescues the child from continuing in foolishness. The only reason for a child to obey mom and dad is that God commands it. The child has failed to obey God, not you {the parent}.
What is NOT:
Not the right to unbridled temper: You can't throw temper fits!
No the right to hit our children whenever we wish: Spankings are used in context of correction and discipline, not whenever you want.
Not venting of frustration: Spanking should not be used to vent frustration.
Not retribution: The parent does not exchange retribution for the child's wrong. It is not punitive. The goal is restoration, not to have them pay for their sins (Christ already did that).
Not associated with vindictive anger: If you spank because the child has dishonored God, this is righteous anger, but, if you spank because if it's because they have done something against you or you want to make them pay, unrighteous anger.
How do you spank?
1. Take them to a person place.
2. Tell them what they did.
3. Make sure they understand.
4. Remind them you are restoring them to the place of promised blessings from God.
5. Tell them how many they will get.
6. Spank.
7. Tell them you love them and hug them, tightly.
All controlled. All to restore them back to the place of promise.
What I personally do (right now with Abbie) is to to get down and ask what happened and why she's getting a spanking. Tell her how many and spank her (usually a wooden spoon, sometimes my hand), then she must tell me, "I am sorry for ______" and not just say sorry, she must take ownership of what she did. Then, she must say, "Jesus, I am sorry for _____." This is to let her know that she has sinned against God and his command to obey and honor.
I dare say that even Dr. James Dobson would agree with the use of spanking in controlled situations where the parent is not acting out of anger, but again, is in control of themselves (and if you're not, please step away from your child and compose yourself!).
This is not an excerpt to say I have never sinned in my own spanking for I have and have repented of where I have been wrong. Nothing more humbling than to tell your 4 year old that mommy got angry and sinned against them and then to ask for forgiveness. Rather, it might give you a biblical perspective of what spanking is and how it can be used to bring glory to God.
Hebrews 12:6-11
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
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