Brynlie will be arriving soon. First off, I hope it's still a Brynlie! That alone would bring more change that I can comprehend right now! I am very excited about having another little one and so are the girls. Ellie tries to pick up my tummy, "Heavy." Abbie likes to talk to her through the belly button. It's been fun to see their excitement and they are ready to meet her too. It will be nice to begin to be "back to normal" or whatever that new normal will look like on me.
There are also many apprehensions I have. 3. Nonetheless, 3 girls. No longer will Brynlie be in utero and easy to tote around, she'll be in a carrier. No longer jumping up to run to the store or go out because baby in tow is weighty. Sleepless nights are inevitable. I am dreading that the most. I have been praying for God to give the gift of sleeping at night to her. I just don't know how to handle two active little girls with no sleep and Abbie will start Kinder and we have to be at school everyday by 8. My job doesn't offer maternity leave, however, it does offer me the ability to work whenever I can and I will have to adjust not having a "block" of time to sit and knock it out. It will be hard to adjust to that.
There are so many positives and even what I consider negative, I must see as sanctification!
Another sadness is that I feel true peace about this being the last pregnancy. Part of me thinks wow, this is it? No more moving tummy or kicks? No more big belly where I don't have to suck in for a bathing suit? So many women would love to be in my position and I must see this is a true blessing from above and cherish these fleeting moments. Part of me is sad about that, but the other part is ready for nurture our kiddos and see what God has in store for the trio.
Thursday is around the corner. I just pray I'm ready!
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Mind Control
Do you have an over-active mind? I do. I can have Brian dead in an instant (sorry honey), me, a widow with three kids to raise, selling a home to move into an apartment, wondering how to provide financially. My other favorite (sarcasm) is to have the house broken into when Brian is gone and what my plan of action would be. I have it all figured out.
The problem with these thoughts is that they are well, not good for one, and unholy for another I'm pretty sure. These thoughts are not thinking on things above.
I have been watching Joyce Meyer in the mornings to get my day going and am having to yet be reminded of the mind. That I am to think about what I am thinking about, that I can control my thoughts, and that the devil will plant little misconceptions in my mind to make me think upon them. I must be vigilant and put up walls around my mind, to take captive every thought and make them obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5). As Romans 12:2 states, I am to have my mind renewed. This means I am transformed from the inside out, to think upon his glory, his ways, his truth, and to allow the spirit to change me and to begin to think with the spirit and not the flesh. This is something that I cannot do on my own, for I have tried, but must rely on the spirit to change me. I think it's time for me to be vigilant about this area of my life.
The problem with these thoughts is that they are well, not good for one, and unholy for another I'm pretty sure. These thoughts are not thinking on things above.
I have been watching Joyce Meyer in the mornings to get my day going and am having to yet be reminded of the mind. That I am to think about what I am thinking about, that I can control my thoughts, and that the devil will plant little misconceptions in my mind to make me think upon them. I must be vigilant and put up walls around my mind, to take captive every thought and make them obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5). As Romans 12:2 states, I am to have my mind renewed. This means I am transformed from the inside out, to think upon his glory, his ways, his truth, and to allow the spirit to change me and to begin to think with the spirit and not the flesh. This is something that I cannot do on my own, for I have tried, but must rely on the spirit to change me. I think it's time for me to be vigilant about this area of my life.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Financial Trust
I find myself in a difficult situation. Mainly because my trust in God is lacking in a particular area. Finances. When I quit working two years ago to be a full time SAHM, I knew there would be sacrifices. We never lived luxurious lives, but we were never without want or need. In the beginning it was hard to say no to many things we use to say yes to but as time progressed, the "living more simply" has become easier, not easy. The finer clothing lines are no longer appealing, perhaps because I have no longer can afford them? We have never been late on a bill or not had food to feed our kiddos. Looking back at the past nine years of our marriage, God has always, and I do mean always, provided. So why do I struggle still?
I feel much like an Israelite out in the desert who is on the right track for a time then falls off when I don't "see" God working and then begin to look within my own heart to figure out how to make things work. God has me in a job that is totally dependent on him. No new candidates=no paycheck. And this is smack dab where he has me. No candidates are available this month and that means no paycheck which means we are stretched thin right now.
My head knows the past faithfulness of God but my idol-making-deceitful-lying heart is telling me otherwise. How do I get what I know to be true about his faithful provisions to drop into my heart so that I no longer let the flesh live but instead, feed the spirit? This has been a question that I have asked God for a long time. Perhaps now he has me in a place where I have to focus on him to provide completely, totally, fully and to at last, trust.
I feel much like an Israelite out in the desert who is on the right track for a time then falls off when I don't "see" God working and then begin to look within my own heart to figure out how to make things work. God has me in a job that is totally dependent on him. No new candidates=no paycheck. And this is smack dab where he has me. No candidates are available this month and that means no paycheck which means we are stretched thin right now.
My head knows the past faithfulness of God but my idol-making-deceitful-lying heart is telling me otherwise. How do I get what I know to be true about his faithful provisions to drop into my heart so that I no longer let the flesh live but instead, feed the spirit? This has been a question that I have asked God for a long time. Perhaps now he has me in a place where I have to focus on him to provide completely, totally, fully and to at last, trust.
Friday, July 09, 2010
Hand Raising Worship
I have been in church for almost 25 years. Wow, that's a long time now that I look at it. I know that we were created for worship and either our worship will be on target, the creator, or misguided on the created things. In church, particularly the music, is a time to sing (or make a joyful noise as Psalm states) to God and praise him. So often in my head I let "loose" and could see myself dancing around and having a good 'ole time praising God but alas, my introverted self would never ever do that: bust a move in church. In my head though, I'm having a good time. Now, this is not with every song but sometimes, I feel the urge.
Recently I began to think about eternity and how I will be praising God and worshiping him forever and I am quite sure that hands raised in the air will be something that I can't resist but will join with all the saints and sing my heart out. Maybe even bust a groove. Maybe.
I had to finally get over my self consciousness in church and raise my hand. I have found this posture of worship very uncomfortable for me but thinking ahead to eternity, I thought I would give it a shot. There are times I still feel uncomfortable and that is when I have think on things above. Then I think, should I raise my right hand, or my left? Maybe both? I quickly respond no to both. Then a verse comes to mind:
Isaiah 44:20: He feeds on ashes; a deluded heart has led him astray, and he cannot deliver himself or say, “Is there not a lie in my right hand?”
This verse leads me to raise my right hand for the sole sake of opening any lies I hold dear to me and giving them to God, releasing what I hold dear that is not of God, but of man.
How about you? Do you worship with hands raised? Do you determine which hand to raise during which chorus or verse? Perhaps I still have a ways to go on this hand-raising thing, but hopefully one day, with abandon, I won't think through the motions but rather just celebrate with the spirit.
Recently I began to think about eternity and how I will be praising God and worshiping him forever and I am quite sure that hands raised in the air will be something that I can't resist but will join with all the saints and sing my heart out. Maybe even bust a groove. Maybe.
I had to finally get over my self consciousness in church and raise my hand. I have found this posture of worship very uncomfortable for me but thinking ahead to eternity, I thought I would give it a shot. There are times I still feel uncomfortable and that is when I have think on things above. Then I think, should I raise my right hand, or my left? Maybe both? I quickly respond no to both. Then a verse comes to mind:
Isaiah 44:20: He feeds on ashes; a deluded heart has led him astray, and he cannot deliver himself or say, “Is there not a lie in my right hand?”
This verse leads me to raise my right hand for the sole sake of opening any lies I hold dear to me and giving them to God, releasing what I hold dear that is not of God, but of man.
How about you? Do you worship with hands raised? Do you determine which hand to raise during which chorus or verse? Perhaps I still have a ways to go on this hand-raising thing, but hopefully one day, with abandon, I won't think through the motions but rather just celebrate with the spirit.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Not Really a Marriage Expert, Just Have Experience
Yesterday we celebrated 9 yrs of marriage and it was fun to sit with Brian (on a date, no kids!) and think about our wedding day and what we remembered.
In the beginning of our marriage, I would have to say that Brian did whatever it took to keep the peace and let me do pretty much whatever I wanted because confrontation would resort to temper tantrums and one angry wife who can give the best cold shoulder. If there were arguements Brian would pursue me to solve the situation whereas I would shut down emotionally and be done and "deal" with it. This has been pretty much how things would go--when it came to pointing out my faults. Please don't misread this--this happened on occasion and has not been an every day issue. Just pointing out a few incidents over the past 9 years to get to my point.
We went through Step Studies at The Village in fall of 2008 to learn how to confront sin, repent, and make amends. This in turn has began the process of an ongoing process for life in general and to really look at the heart and why we respond the way we do and what sins we tend to lean towards.
Brian is still the peacemaker and I still find myself selfish way more than often that I want to be and am constantly struggling to put death this earthly flesh and to clothe myself in righteousness. Brian now will confront my issues openly and honestly and I know that my response is not always pleasant for him, but when I get with the Lord, search my heart, I know where my fault lies and where I need to repent and ask for transformation. I know Brian does this because marriage is sanctification. A reflection of Christ loving his bride, the church. Brian's job is to love me, correct/rebuke when needed in love, and I am to submit to him and his authority.
Brian has grown so much in his walk with Christ and what it means for a man to lead his home in a Godly way. God has given him a huge task to undergo, especially dealing with me and soon to be 3 girls! When I sit back and think about the call on a man's life to lead his family, it makes me glad to be a girl.
Marriage is to be a reflection of the gospel for those who are perishing and hope for those who know Christ personally. Brian and my marriage is a reflection of the gospel for our girls and that is something that can't be done without help of the spirit daily.
I have been blessed by a man who loves me, knows my every fault probably more than I know my own, he knows my tendencies, what "triggers" certain emotions, what I love the most, and who would do anything in the world for me. Kinda reminds me of what Jesus has done for me and that is a picture of what Christ intended marriage to be.
I have much to live up to with Brian as my husband but must rest in Proverbs 31 and the characteristics of a virtuous woman. I am to bring honor to my husband every day, to serve my family, be wise with what have, and to fear the Lord, and that Brian might be respected at the city gate.
My goal in marriage is to have my heart be transformed (quickly please Jesus) to "be" more than I "do" and to find community within my own family, digging into the life and thoughts of my husband and children and seeing this process as a blessing and to not make light of it. "Being" around the house is not sufficient. Engaging is.
Brian, I love you and what you do for this family and your heart that is so passionate to see Jesus glorified not only in our marriage, but in the lives of our children, in your work, and in the giftedness you have been given.
In the beginning of our marriage, I would have to say that Brian did whatever it took to keep the peace and let me do pretty much whatever I wanted because confrontation would resort to temper tantrums and one angry wife who can give the best cold shoulder. If there were arguements Brian would pursue me to solve the situation whereas I would shut down emotionally and be done and "deal" with it. This has been pretty much how things would go--when it came to pointing out my faults. Please don't misread this--this happened on occasion and has not been an every day issue. Just pointing out a few incidents over the past 9 years to get to my point.
We went through Step Studies at The Village in fall of 2008 to learn how to confront sin, repent, and make amends. This in turn has began the process of an ongoing process for life in general and to really look at the heart and why we respond the way we do and what sins we tend to lean towards.
Brian is still the peacemaker and I still find myself selfish way more than often that I want to be and am constantly struggling to put death this earthly flesh and to clothe myself in righteousness. Brian now will confront my issues openly and honestly and I know that my response is not always pleasant for him, but when I get with the Lord, search my heart, I know where my fault lies and where I need to repent and ask for transformation. I know Brian does this because marriage is sanctification. A reflection of Christ loving his bride, the church. Brian's job is to love me, correct/rebuke when needed in love, and I am to submit to him and his authority.
Brian has grown so much in his walk with Christ and what it means for a man to lead his home in a Godly way. God has given him a huge task to undergo, especially dealing with me and soon to be 3 girls! When I sit back and think about the call on a man's life to lead his family, it makes me glad to be a girl.
Marriage is to be a reflection of the gospel for those who are perishing and hope for those who know Christ personally. Brian and my marriage is a reflection of the gospel for our girls and that is something that can't be done without help of the spirit daily.
I have been blessed by a man who loves me, knows my every fault probably more than I know my own, he knows my tendencies, what "triggers" certain emotions, what I love the most, and who would do anything in the world for me. Kinda reminds me of what Jesus has done for me and that is a picture of what Christ intended marriage to be.
I have much to live up to with Brian as my husband but must rest in Proverbs 31 and the characteristics of a virtuous woman. I am to bring honor to my husband every day, to serve my family, be wise with what have, and to fear the Lord, and that Brian might be respected at the city gate.
My goal in marriage is to have my heart be transformed (quickly please Jesus) to "be" more than I "do" and to find community within my own family, digging into the life and thoughts of my husband and children and seeing this process as a blessing and to not make light of it. "Being" around the house is not sufficient. Engaging is.
Brian, I love you and what you do for this family and your heart that is so passionate to see Jesus glorified not only in our marriage, but in the lives of our children, in your work, and in the giftedness you have been given.
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
To Spank or Not to Spank...
I was watching GMA this morning and the great spank debate was on. My palms got sweaty and my heart racing because I feel passionate about this subject. I am sure each parent does and therefore, takes their stance. I will give you mine first and then tell my reasons why, biblically. We spank. There. Said it, now you know.
On GMA the grandparents spanked their grandchildren, not the parents, that is where I differ on the subject. Only parents should be the ones spanking because they are the ones responsible for training the children. Grandparents, or any other adult in the child's life, should not do this and should consider an alternative, like timeout, and then allow the parent to decide at a later time if a spanking should occur. Spanking should not be placed in the hands of any adult, except for mom and dad. Period.
Proverbs 13:24 comes to mind for most: Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Biblically-balanced discipline never physically endangers a child. (pg. 109 Shepherding a Child's Heart)
What does this mean? Spanking shows love. BUT, spanking has boundaries.
What spanking is:
Parental Exercise: Goes to what I said before, parents only!
Act of Faith: God has mandated its use.
Act of Faithfulness: In discipline, there is hope, expression of love and commitment.
A Responsibility: It's not to punish but the parent should obey God's word and what God has called the parent to do.
A Physical Punishment: It is careful, timely, measured and controlled, never for venting. The child knows how many swats are coming.
A Rescue Mission: The child has become distanced from parents through disobedience and the spanking rescues the child from continuing in foolishness. The only reason for a child to obey mom and dad is that God commands it. The child has failed to obey God, not you {the parent}.
What is NOT:
Not the right to unbridled temper: You can't throw temper fits!
No the right to hit our children whenever we wish: Spankings are used in context of correction and discipline, not whenever you want.
Not venting of frustration: Spanking should not be used to vent frustration.
Not retribution: The parent does not exchange retribution for the child's wrong. It is not punitive. The goal is restoration, not to have them pay for their sins (Christ already did that).
Not associated with vindictive anger: If you spank because the child has dishonored God, this is righteous anger, but, if you spank because if it's because they have done something against you or you want to make them pay, unrighteous anger.
How do you spank?
1. Take them to a person place.
2. Tell them what they did.
3. Make sure they understand.
4. Remind them you are restoring them to the place of promised blessings from God.
5. Tell them how many they will get.
6. Spank.
7. Tell them you love them and hug them, tightly.
All controlled. All to restore them back to the place of promise.
What I personally do (right now with Abbie) is to to get down and ask what happened and why she's getting a spanking. Tell her how many and spank her (usually a wooden spoon, sometimes my hand), then she must tell me, "I am sorry for ______" and not just say sorry, she must take ownership of what she did. Then, she must say, "Jesus, I am sorry for _____." This is to let her know that she has sinned against God and his command to obey and honor.
I dare say that even Dr. James Dobson would agree with the use of spanking in controlled situations where the parent is not acting out of anger, but again, is in control of themselves (and if you're not, please step away from your child and compose yourself!).
This is not an excerpt to say I have never sinned in my own spanking for I have and have repented of where I have been wrong. Nothing more humbling than to tell your 4 year old that mommy got angry and sinned against them and then to ask for forgiveness. Rather, it might give you a biblical perspective of what spanking is and how it can be used to bring glory to God.
Hebrews 12:6-11
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
On GMA the grandparents spanked their grandchildren, not the parents, that is where I differ on the subject. Only parents should be the ones spanking because they are the ones responsible for training the children. Grandparents, or any other adult in the child's life, should not do this and should consider an alternative, like timeout, and then allow the parent to decide at a later time if a spanking should occur. Spanking should not be placed in the hands of any adult, except for mom and dad. Period.
Proverbs 13:24 comes to mind for most: Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Biblically-balanced discipline never physically endangers a child. (pg. 109 Shepherding a Child's Heart)
What does this mean? Spanking shows love. BUT, spanking has boundaries.
What spanking is:
Parental Exercise: Goes to what I said before, parents only!
Act of Faith: God has mandated its use.
Act of Faithfulness: In discipline, there is hope, expression of love and commitment.
A Responsibility: It's not to punish but the parent should obey God's word and what God has called the parent to do.
A Physical Punishment: It is careful, timely, measured and controlled, never for venting. The child knows how many swats are coming.
A Rescue Mission: The child has become distanced from parents through disobedience and the spanking rescues the child from continuing in foolishness. The only reason for a child to obey mom and dad is that God commands it. The child has failed to obey God, not you {the parent}.
What is NOT:
Not the right to unbridled temper: You can't throw temper fits!
No the right to hit our children whenever we wish: Spankings are used in context of correction and discipline, not whenever you want.
Not venting of frustration: Spanking should not be used to vent frustration.
Not retribution: The parent does not exchange retribution for the child's wrong. It is not punitive. The goal is restoration, not to have them pay for their sins (Christ already did that).
Not associated with vindictive anger: If you spank because the child has dishonored God, this is righteous anger, but, if you spank because if it's because they have done something against you or you want to make them pay, unrighteous anger.
How do you spank?
1. Take them to a person place.
2. Tell them what they did.
3. Make sure they understand.
4. Remind them you are restoring them to the place of promised blessings from God.
5. Tell them how many they will get.
6. Spank.
7. Tell them you love them and hug them, tightly.
All controlled. All to restore them back to the place of promise.
What I personally do (right now with Abbie) is to to get down and ask what happened and why she's getting a spanking. Tell her how many and spank her (usually a wooden spoon, sometimes my hand), then she must tell me, "I am sorry for ______" and not just say sorry, she must take ownership of what she did. Then, she must say, "Jesus, I am sorry for _____." This is to let her know that she has sinned against God and his command to obey and honor.
I dare say that even Dr. James Dobson would agree with the use of spanking in controlled situations where the parent is not acting out of anger, but again, is in control of themselves (and if you're not, please step away from your child and compose yourself!).
This is not an excerpt to say I have never sinned in my own spanking for I have and have repented of where I have been wrong. Nothing more humbling than to tell your 4 year old that mommy got angry and sinned against them and then to ask for forgiveness. Rather, it might give you a biblical perspective of what spanking is and how it can be used to bring glory to God.
Hebrews 12:6-11
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
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