Have you ever been in a season of your life where you just feel...darkness? Everything seems to be going wrong (in other words, not how you want it)? No matter what you can't seem to get ahead? I am there. My soul is so tired. And so is my mind. I mean just worn out, nothing left to give tired. I go to bed at 8:30 at night and crash. I can barely make it till then. It's up during the night to take care of Brynlie then up at 6 to start the day which doesn't stop.
I struggle with trying to find time to workout (which isn't working out), work, and dinner. If it's not frozen these days we most likely won't be eating. I miss cooking. Juggling my own self destructive thoughts and allowing bitterness and anger to seep in which is just resulting in a defeated heart. Just an overwhelming sense of....restlessness?
Our Gospel in Life study this week has been idols and boy do I have a few that I need to contend with and ask God to give me victory in. I think Satan knows this too and is just throwing these idols in my face and warring against my soul. Thank goodness Jesus can conquer.
I know this is a season. I know Jesus is Lord and has given me these trials for my sanctification which means for my good and his Glory. I am praying for victory over idols that have long needed to die and that I might have true victory over them through Him. I am praying for my soul to not be downcast but to put my hope in God. I am praying that the things I "know" about God would become my "beliefs" and that I would be unwavering. I need the true gospel, not this religious thing I've created, to sink into my heart.
6 comments:
I like your writing. You are in a hard season with no sleep and lots of whacko hormones. Cut yourself some slack. God knows it is exhausting; he made you and he will get you through it.
Love the background of your blog- so pretty.
Hang in there, friend. Praying for you and love you!
I think you're exhausted. Have you considered that you might have a touch of post-natal depression too? Don't feel bad about freezer meals and big jeans, just try to stop setting such high standards for yourself and enjoy the little things.
Bloggers Ink Challenge is up! Voting has started...good luck and be sure to blog about it and get your followers to come vote.
I accidently stumble across your blog and is glad I did. I really enjoyed reading it. doing so has uplifted my spirits. It is funny how things work out. I never viewed my obsession with my weight a idoltry. I see now. I am a work in progress. thanks for the insight.
Happened upon your blog. Get your thyroid checked. It is in charge of everything that is bothering you.
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