10:15 pm

Here it is, 10:15 and Brian now has assumed Ellie duty. She has been crying/fussing since 8:15 tonight. She is tired but won't sleep and when she falls asleep and you move, she wakes up screaming. I do mean screaming. We have the door shut to try to keep Abbie from hearing her. Today marks her 8 weeks in this world with 6 of them with terrible evenings. Tonight takes the top prize though. I have never seen her like this. I have been on her behalf before the throne asking for mercy, relief, and peace over Ellie and this house. That anything evil would be dismissed and for the angels to minister. It is sad when an 8 week old baby cries and has real tears from pain. What is a mother/father to do? How do you help them? The only thing I can say is that she won't remember this (the rest of us and the neighbors will!). Thank goodness.

Tired

Last night was a rough night. Ellie actually played on her play gym and smiled. It was sweet. Abs was at grandparents so that was nice too. Then, 10:00 rolled around and from there till midnight, Ellie was another creature. Screaming, not sleeping till finally we curled up on the couch together and slept. This morning, still crying, not sleeping. Of course she is right now :) The sling works wonders but that doesn't help me at night. We bought Gripe Water and that tends to be the best remedy thus far. Brian has a call to the doctor to see if I need to begin to weed out things I eat to help her. Is she colic? Milk sensitive? Is it her personality? Is she angry?? There are so many questions right now and no answers in sight. I have to turn to God to help me. I pray a lot for help. That my heart would be in the right position to help Ellie and not be frustrated. To love on Abs when I can and often. I have to totally lean on him for help. Even with all that happened last night, I am not too tired. That is Him giving me strength. Abbie being at grandparents when Ellie had meltdowns I believe was him too so that Abbie wouldn't be disturbed. He works in ways we don't think of.

Party Fun

Today was Abbie's birthday party and it was so much fun. We had our trampoline, swing set, small bounce house, pool, and slip and slide. We ordered pizza and had cupcakes and all kiddos got to decorate their own cupcake to take home in a cute cupcake holder. We had lots of kids and friends over and it was so much fun opening our home to everyone. We are going to try something new today too--formula. As you know, Ellie is a bit grouchy and maybe formula might do the trick because it could be something I eat that just sends her tummy off. I am not thrilled about this because it makes me feel, well, like I have failed in some way. Those magazines are right---if you don't nurse, you feel like you are not mom of the year. I will try formula though and if it helps Ellie, that is all that matters! I hope this helps. Any suggestions? Anyone?

Moved to Tears

Things have been very crazy. As most moms know, your day is full of things to do and when two kids don't nap at the same time limits your ability to get things done. Throw on doing a load of laundry a day because your small one spits all the time and colic in the evening (and fussy mornings) can make your nerves shot and a three year old who needs your attention and is dying to play a game with mommy. How do you balance it all? I have not figured it out yet. Tonight though was different. Ellie was pleasant with very few fussy moments and my husband drew my attention to this and said, "Praise God." Yes, praise God. At that moment I began to tear up (and am now as I write) because it has been so hard. Brian is a huge help and even with two of us, it is still tough. I don't know if this was just a good night or if God is allowing the prayer of healing upon our child, but praise his name either way--for healing Ellie or teaching me some character building.

Colic Anyone?

Ellie has colic. Let's just say it is not fun. She spends most evenings screaming and crying whether holding her not. It is pretty crazy around here during this time and most of us can't have a conversation over her cries and Abbie will say, "I can't hear." Me too honey. There is not much we can do except hold her and that takes up a lot of time. So, anyone had a colic baby with some ideas?? We could use some help. The upside is that the doctor said it should be done 6-8 weeks. She's 6 weeks old. Then to top it off, she has reflux. Lots of it! The upside is that she will out grow it in 4-6 months. Needless to say, there is something I am suppose to learn from this experience so I have to be open to that whole sifting thing I mentioned to get out what is in me that needs to be gone. I hope I figure it out soon. Until then, scream on Ellie, scream on!

Sifting

I believe I am about to enter into a time of sifting, just as Satan had asked to sift Peter. Now, I don't know if the devil has asked but I do believe God has some stuff to sift out of me. With me not working, we are taking a huge pay cut and in order to do that, we are forfeiting some things in our life--both good and neutrally moral. We are giving up our Compassion Kid and sponsoring our friends on The Traveling Team. Those are good, but we have to. Hopefully God will make it possible for us to sponsor them again. Neutrally moral things are just the fun things we enjoy doing. So, He will be sifting out of me liking creation more than the creator, aspiring for stuff, eating out just because I don't want to cook, going and doing just to go and do. He will be instilling into me a heart of contentment, gratitude that I can be home, and a humble heart that seeks him more than anything else in this world and turning me toward worship and a faith that he will provide even when I don't see how. Well, at least that is what I hope to get on the flipside, if not more. With a prayerful heart I enter into this season and ask for strength to be broken and built up in his image.

Transform

Today was Transform with our church. This is where we choose a place/location where we can help clean things up by painting, repairing, etc whatever needs to be done. Our location for Denton was Calhoun Middle School. This school is older and needs to have much done to it. Our goal today was tape and paint classrooms. We took Abbie and Ellie with us. Needless to say, I didn't do much. Brian was a taping fool though. It is cool to see so many folks give up their Saturday mornings (and for others, the whole day) to help out. Many were painting, taping, and working in the flower beds, and making stone paths. All to love on these kids, teachers, and administrators with no expectations. Very cool to love like Jesus.

HR Anyone?

After 3 days of trying to get hold of HR, I was finally successful. On Wednesday, I took my letter to HR to ask for a "nurturing leave of absence." I am waiting to hear if it is approved. I don't think it hurt that I had my two kids in tow! They thought were super cute (so do I) and wished me the best. I have to decide by February 1 if I will be returning because a leave is only good for one year. This will at least give us time to see if this whole stay at home thing works out! God has already provided one way by offering Brian a drum gig on Sunday at another church--and he gets paid! Who would have thought. God sure does work through ways we (I) don't ever think of. How creative of Him.
Oh, and last night I ran for the for the first time in 9 months. I ran 1 1/2 miles and it felt GREAT!!!! I can't wait to go again. Tomorrow. I am a little sore today :)

New Beginning

June 5 we were blessed with the arrival of our 2nd child, a girl. Her name is Ellison Noell and we call her Ellie. We have another daughter Abbie who is almost 3. I have prayed for 3 years now to be a stay at home mom and we haven't been able to afford it. I will be quitting my job and we still can't afford it but we are stepping on faith that God is going to provide. I am scared, frightened, and excited because this faith thing is hard for me. It will be a test of daily sacrifice to my wants and dying to the world. It will be realizing the only thing we get is Jesus and that is what matters most in this world. I am eager as to what God will teach us during this process and how he will provide. I will get to be with my girls and know their hearts and nurture them. I am excited about that! My goal is to keep up with this blog thing (as you can see it's not my strength) to mark the path of being home and no longer working (well, a job that pays) and trusting God more than I have ever had to. I step out in faith knowing the God who fashioned the world and knit this desire to mother in my heart will be glorified beyond anything I can imagine. Praise be his name.