But today the Lord convicted me. I will not take away from what Jen wrote, it describes me. But I want to add. In the midst of the chaos of end of school, what did I teach my girls? Did I teach them to persevere? Did I teach them to lean into Jesus when we just wanted to be done? Did I teach them to continue to be diligent in their work and continue to do what was asked, actually reading for 20 minutes a day?
No, I didn't. I had summer on the brain and began to just survive. I didn't teach my girls to persevere even when we (I) didn't feel like it. I didn't teach them to honor God in the midst of busyness and to work with eager hands. I had the end in mind and that is what kept me going, not truly walking in the day to day craziness and allowing myself to be a vessel of hope and truth that praised God that we have 'free' education, teachers who care, activities to enjoy, friends to hang out with, birthdays to celebrate, cars to get us where needed to go, and so on. I forgot God. Sure, I prayed in the morning, "Lord help me!" But after my cry to him I went about the day on my strength and only turned to him when I was at my wits end. He wanted me to be his, communicating with him from sunup to sundown trusting him to carry the burden and the load and all the little things that just had to be done. He wanted to be part of it. But I didn't invite him in. I had summer on the brain.
Hindsight is 20/20, that is truth. My question for myself is how to move forward. I think it might just begin with repentance, asking God to forgive me for trying to do it all and grumbling about "having" to do it all, possibly, most likely, telling the girls that I did not honor in this season by working diligently and asking for their forgiveness, and then, next year when this all happens again, that I am reminded of His goodness and grace and I invite him into all the end of the year milestones.
