Over the past few
weeks I’ve been thinking about our anniversary. It will be 11 years (July 7). I am ferociously for marriages and am
saddened by the ending of so many. Marriage is hard. Ask Brian. He lives with
me and I know I am not an easy person to live with.
But God in his
mercy has done something amazing. He has blessed this marriage, redeemed it,
and continues to sanctify it. He alone. I’m stubborn, selfish, prideful, and
more Type A than I care to be. But God…intervenes, changes, and gives fresh
hope and new perspectives.
For the first 7
years of our marriage there was a secret sin. Never saw the signs. Never knew
anything else was part of this “two shall become one” relationship until my
husband confessed his porn addiction. I had watched another marriage unravel
from this addiction, saw how each reacted, and witnessing their struggle I
think helped me deal with Brian in a grace filled way. It was completely the
Holy Spirit that allowed me to give grace to Brian, to fully forgive.
You see, in the
early stages of marriage I think my gut reaction would have been to close
myself off to Brian, hold this atrocity over his head most likely for the rest
of his life, to be distant, not to serve and love as a wife should. It is quite possible divorce would have been
an option. But God, over the course of those 7 years was preparing my heart for
the sin Brian committed against our relationship (though it should have never
been a secret to start with). He
softened my heart to hear the sin, to forgive, and to walk alongside Brian to
fight this battle, to pray for his heart and mind and that God would give him
victory. And He did.
This was a
catalyst to a much greater, deeper, richer marriage. We followed this up with
Step Studies at church, an intensive 16 week program of viewing your life
through the lenses of the gospel, seeing your sin for what it is, confessing,
repenting, and making amends where needed.
When things don’t
go according to my agenda, I have to be intentional about looking at my heart,
seeing where my sinful desire or expectation is and repent when needed. Jeremiah 17:9 says that “The
heart is deceitful above all things.” I must constantly be before the Lord
asking him to reveal my heart and sin.
As Brian and I have walked in this manner, talking, being
open about the tough issues, checking our hearts to see where there is truth
and where there are lies, it has lead to a deeper more fulfilling relationship.
I am eternally grateful that we both are being conformed
to the image of his Son and that this marriage is a reflection of how Christ
loves the church. I pray that God will continue his good work and look forward
to where he leads us as a couple and as a family.
