I find myself in a difficult situation. Mainly because my trust in God is lacking in a particular area. Finances. When I quit working two years ago to be a full time SAHM, I knew there would be sacrifices. We never lived luxurious lives, but we were never without want or need. In the beginning it was hard to say no to many things we use to say yes to but as time progressed, the "living more simply" has become easier, not easy. The finer clothing lines are no longer appealing, perhaps because I have no longer can afford them? We have never been late on a bill or not had food to feed our kiddos. Looking back at the past nine years of our marriage, God has always, and I do mean always, provided. So why do I struggle still?
I feel much like an Israelite out in the desert who is on the right track for a time then falls off when I don't "see" God working and then begin to look within my own heart to figure out how to make things work. God has me in a job that is totally dependent on him. No new candidates=no paycheck. And this is smack dab where he has me. No candidates are available this month and that means no paycheck which means we are stretched thin right now.
My head knows the past faithfulness of God but my idol-making-deceitful-lying heart is telling me otherwise. How do I get what I know to be true about his faithful provisions to drop into my heart so that I no longer let the flesh live but instead, feed the spirit? This has been a question that I have asked God for a long time. Perhaps now he has me in a place where I have to focus on him to provide completely, totally, fully and to at last, trust.
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