A Marriage Testimony

Over the past few weeks I’ve been thinking about our anniversary. It will be 11 years (July 7).  I am ferociously for marriages and am saddened by the ending of so many. Marriage is hard. Ask Brian. He lives with me and I know I am not an easy person to live with.

But God in his mercy has done something amazing. He has blessed this marriage, redeemed it, and continues to sanctify it. He alone. I’m stubborn, selfish, prideful, and more Type A than I care to be. But God…intervenes, changes, and gives fresh hope and new perspectives.

For the first 7 years of our marriage there was a secret sin. Never saw the signs. Never knew anything else was part of this “two shall become one” relationship until my husband confessed his porn addiction. I had watched another marriage unravel from this addiction, saw how each reacted, and witnessing their struggle I think helped me deal with Brian in a grace filled way. It was completely the Holy Spirit that allowed me to give grace to Brian, to fully forgive.

You see, in the early stages of marriage I think my gut reaction would have been to close myself off to Brian, hold this atrocity over his head most likely for the rest of his life, to be distant, not to serve and love as a wife should.  It is quite possible divorce would have been an option. But God, over the course of those 7 years was preparing my heart for the sin Brian committed against our relationship (though it should have never been a secret to start with).  He softened my heart to hear the sin, to forgive, and to walk alongside Brian to fight this battle, to pray for his heart and mind and that God would give him victory. And He did.

This was a catalyst to a much greater, deeper, richer marriage. We followed this up with Step Studies at church, an intensive 16 week program of viewing your life through the lenses of the gospel, seeing your sin for what it is, confessing, repenting, and making amends where needed.

When things don’t go according to my agenda, I have to be intentional about looking at my heart, seeing where my sinful desire or expectation is and repent when needed.  Jeremiah 17:9 says that “The heart is deceitful above all things.” I must constantly be before the Lord asking him to reveal my heart and sin.

As Brian and I have walked in this manner, talking, being open about the tough issues, checking our hearts to see where there is truth and where there are lies, it has lead to a deeper more fulfilling relationship.

I am eternally grateful that we both are being conformed to the image of his Son and that this marriage is a reflection of how Christ loves the church. I pray that God will continue his good work and look forward to where he leads us as a couple and as a family. 

Happy 10 year Anniversary

I would think that 10 years of marriage makes me a professional. If not, at least I'm educated. The past 10 years of marriage have been fantastic. Brian and I have always gotten along and typically have the same vision for our family and when we don't, we work it out.

In the beginning we had a good marriage. But that's it. Just good. Brian left me to my own decisions and sins in order to avoid conflict and hurting my feelings. After attending Step Studies, our relationship evolved. Brian would confront me over my sins. Now, this has never been pleasant for either of us, still isn't, but I have to take what he says, weigh it, find the truth, and repent. I know he doesn't enjoy this part of the marriage, but I must say I welcome it. It grows us in our faith. We are rooted in Christ. We both have our hope in Him alone. We both seek to do his will and pray for ours to be changed where they don't align.

Our marriage has always been good, but I can say now that with the help of Christ through sanctification, it's great.

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.-Proverbs 27:17

My 4 Hour Body Workout

This is what I have chosen as my 4 Hour Body Workout. Quick. Easy. Has proved effective thus far too. It's kind of a nice change too since it's way too hot in my opinion to run.

Monday/Wednesday/Friday

Do it before breakfast and since you're "suppose" to eat within 30 minutes, I roll out of bed and workout.

Flying Dog This shows how to do it--do 15 reps

Glute Raises This video is terrible, but all I could find. Bend your knees when you do it and push from the heel, not balls of feet.

Hip Flexor stretch 30 seconds each side

50 Kettle Ball Swings

Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday

10 burpees I go down into plank position and don't jump at the end, however, maybe I need to for now on. Nah. I squat, jump into plank (then I do a jumping jack with my legs while in plank), jump back, stand up, repeat.

Scroll down on both of these links to see how to do them. He calls the myotatic crunch: Cat Vomit Exercise

Myotatic Crunch

Plank and Side Plank

There you go. Your morning workout. Now go eat protein.

4 Hour Body Recipes

Here are the 4 Hour Body Recipes we use. Since you do Slow Carb for 6 days, we have 6 recipes and are putting them on repeat.

Steak Stir Fry (no rice-we served on fresh spinach)

Chicken Stir Fry (no rice-served on spinach and made the sauce from previous recipe because this one didn't have any)

White Bean Chicken Chili

3-4 Chicken breasts cooked: shredded

16 oz Picante Sauce

1 can chicken broth

3 cans Great Northern White Beans (do not drain beans)

¼ tsp Cumin

Cook 2-3 hours in crock pot on low

Bachelor Stew

1 lb ground beef

1 can Ranch Style Beans

1 Can vegetable soup

Cook beef, drain. Add beans and veggie soup and simmer for 30 minutes.

Another option:

1 lb ground beef

Frozen Mixed Veggies

Beef Broth

1 Can Ranch Style Beans

Follow same recipe as above

Honey-Lime Grilled Chicken with Grilled Asparagus

Yes, I used honey. It was good :)

Salad-think Chipotle

Black beans, hot sauce, grilled chicken, stir fry green bell peppers/onions/jalapenos, cilantro

God and Tornadoes

Abbie sat crying from pure fear about the tornado that "might" come. I consoled her reminding her God is in charge of everything, even the storm. I promised her I would take care of her and protect her and that we had to trust God. She wanted to know what would happen if our house was gone. I reminded her again that God would provide. All truths that were just too tough for my 5 year old to grasp and feel peace about. As I put them to bed I prayed over her; that God would remove the fear and give her peace and this his protection would cover us. Then tucked them in only to have Brian come in a few minutes later yelling, "Get the girls! Something's coming." We gathered out littles in the bathroom where we sat waiting this "something" to come when Brian yelled for me to come look. This is what I saw:

Brian and I chanted please go away. I sat in wonder at this amazing weather. It was hard to take my eyes off it, while contemplating it's ability to totally destroy. The tail spun up into the cloud and it was gone. God was in charge. He did protect. He answered our prayer.

Not only that, but I believe this is a glimpse of the glory of God. Something so amazing. Powerful. Just like he is. A speck inside his ability to have all power. To do as he pleases. I am not only praising God for his protection, but also for getting to see something that actually leaves you speechless. When the words return, it's all about Him.

For Now

Bullying seems to be making the news more and more but part of me wonders if this is media's way of finding something else for parents to worry about. I am sure bullying truly is an issue and does need to addressed, but I think there are boundaries that need to be considered and observations need to be made on part of the bully and the bullied.

Bullying is a learned behavior. For those who bully, have counselors etc looked at the home life of the bully? Are there two parents? Is there divorce? Is the home stable? Is there a positive adult influence in the home? Are the bullies left to TV, movies, video games, or older influences? I think that is key in starting the process into the bullies mind. Kiddos will act out, even in the most horrendous ways, for attention. Are we paying attention?

For the bullied. Parents, it is your job to protect your child. Are you willing to do whatever it takes? I get so frustrated with parents who blame the teacher, administration, anyone but themselves. Stop deferring the safety of your child to someone else. Stand in the gap for your kid. What would that mean? Transfer to a new school, home school, or yes, even move. Are you willing to sacrifice for your child? I don't think you, or them, would ever regret that. Times are tough, I get that. Downsize, make sacrifices, but don't be idle waiting for someone else to intervene. You start the process: eat dinner together, make family time a priority, no matter the cost, make sure your own kiddos treat their siblings with respect and speak kindly to each other, and make sure they know they are loved, valued, and of worth.

Unfortunately, there are folks who don't hold Jesus as Lord and make the gospel central. Heap burning coals on their head, turn the other cheek, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger; these truths seem "old" and therefore irrelevant for our time. But I think if it's in the bible, we need to think upon, dwell upon, and apply. If more folks held these principles to be true in their life, there would be radical change among our kids.

As adults, what messages are we sending our kiddos? Do spouses bully one another? Make them do something they don't want to or berate them? Do you use your status or strength on the game field or intellectual "superiority" in dealing with others? Have you ever lost your temper with your own kiddos and used fear as a means to obedience (guilty as charged)? Perhaps on further introspection, it would be wise to evaluate our own lives to see patterns/habits that might set our kiddos up to be a bully.

Perhaps even in my own life, there is a little bit of a bully in me. By the grace of God he will squash it, conforming me to his image, that I might have soft answers for my kiddos in times of trial. Continual confession, repentance, and making amends will be a constant. And hopefully by doing this continually, my girls will see first hand Godly sanctification.

*this is my opinion as of today and am free to change it on a whim depending on how I feel or if my child is being bullied or I learn they are bullies

(failed) Detox

I took the Cinch 5 day fast forward challenge to shed the rest of the baby weight. I went into this thinking it was the answer to all my problems only to find my heart revealed.

Spinach, eggs, almonds, raspberries, and almonds are good to eat, right? I like them individually but found on day 2 that I would actually begin gagging at the thought of eating these items and finally chose hunger over eating. Yup, lasted two days. I just couldn't do it. I wasn't happy with the way I was so detox was the answer only to find I wasn't happy with that either. Now, those two days were successful and I am back in my pre-maternity clothes (yay!) and to think if I had stayed on the full 5 days, I might have seen even better results.

The deal is, I am trying to fix my self image problem and failing. This past weekend's message was about as humans we try to fix things only to make another problem instead of trusting God. Convicted. I am not fully trusting God. I do with my mouth, but not my heart. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, a woman who fears the Lord-she is to be praised, my imperishable beauty should be a gentle and quiet spirit. Praying that these verses aren't just knowledge, but belief.

I will say that good or bad, the Lord will let me know, it did make me feel a bit better about myself but my identity can't come from a number on scale or on my pants.

My focus should be to be a good steward with the food I eat and the body I've been given and to thank God that he provides.

I might be a loser for quitting, but I am a 4 lbs lighter loser :) And that is something I can live with.

Linguini with Meat Sauce

This recipe is AMAZING. It makes a heap so you might bake and freeze, have friends over, or I used it to make our family a serving and took the other half to a mom who had a baby. It is oh-so good!

Linguini with Meat Sauce (Southern Living Magazine)

2 jars of spagehtti sauce (I just use Ragu)

2lbs lean ground beef

1/2 onion- chopped

2-4 cloves of garlic (I did three large ones)

~Brown ground beef, onion, and garlic until completely cooked and then add both jars of sauce

16oz package linguini cooked, rinsed, and drained

1 handful of chopped green onions

1 pkg cream cheese (I used light)

16oz sour cream (I used light)

~When noodles are done add cream cheese, sour cream and green onions and stir until everything is melted.

Spread noodle mixture in the bottom of greased pan then pour meat sauce on top. Top with (a bunch of) mozzarella or cheddar cheese and bake at 350 uncovered for 30-45 mins or until cheese is bubbly.

Happy Eating for real! :)

Misconception

I have had my husband ask, "Do you still like being a SAHM?" My answer is a resounding, "YES!" I could not imagine getting three littles up in the morning to get them to daycare then off to work for me then pick them up, cook dinner, do laundry, clean house, homework, spend quality time with them, put them to bed only to start over again. I just can't imagine.
Three has proven more challenging than I had anticipated. There are parts that are super easy then there are parts that are super hard. Mostly like the hard is because I am super type-A without being OCD (I think) so any little glitch sends me off my schedule which in turns makes me stress out. Now, I am quite aware of this fault of mine and perhaps even need to pray for transformation in this area a bit more but it doesn't excuse my behavior of of, "Where did the vacuum lines go and why are there toys hanging from the ceiling fan? What were you thinking?" I need to give that up-they're littles.
I have in my head this "idea" of this mom I want to be and I am awesome, but then reality kicks in and Brynlie is crying, Ellie and Abbie are fighting, dinner needs to get started and that awesome idea flies out the window.
Perhaps what I need to do is dump this idea of awesome mom and just be the mom my kids need me to be. Perhaps it's not about being this person but being who I am and just loving my kids, extending mercy, giving praise, encouraging them, and perhaps even let vacuum lines go.

Why Not?

Well, it's been a while since I have been able to sit and blog. Can't imagine with three kiddos needing me, cooking, cleaning, running errands, changing diapers, cleaning, working, cleaning (apparently we're dirty or I have high standards).
Brynlie is growing like crazy-length wise for sure. I have estimated that I have not had a full night's rest in approximately 5 months. I started sleeping terribly as I got towards the end of pregnancy and well, newborns aren't concerned with how little sleep you get either. I am constantly exhausted and literally go to bed at 8:30 just so I can function during the day. I keep telling myself it's a season. I know it is.
To add to change (new baby, one in kinder, and a 2 year old-enough said) we are looking to move. We have put an offer in a house and have had it accepted and are just now waiting to get our house sold. That means being ready at given moment to have a clean house and leave for them to come see it. We have had 9 folks come see it but no offers.
I pray that the home and location we choose would be exactly where God wants us and where we can do the most for Him and the same must be true of those who buy our house-that our house would be the perfect home and location where God can use them or others around us can lead them to Christ. Until then, I sit. And wait. And decorate the new house in my head. I'm becoming mentally attached.
This weekend we take our first road trip as a family of 5 to Austin to see the Laurie Berkner concert. The best part, Bryn loves to cry in the car seat. So I say, why not?

Darkness

Have you ever been in a season of your life where you just feel...darkness? Everything seems to be going wrong (in other words, not how you want it)? No matter what you can't seem to get ahead? I am there. My soul is so tired. And so is my mind. I mean just worn out, nothing left to give tired. I go to bed at 8:30 at night and crash. I can barely make it till then. It's up during the night to take care of Brynlie then up at 6 to start the day which doesn't stop.
I struggle with trying to find time to workout (which isn't working out), work, and dinner. If it's not frozen these days we most likely won't be eating. I miss cooking. Juggling my own self destructive thoughts and allowing bitterness and anger to seep in which is just resulting in a defeated heart. Just an overwhelming sense of....restlessness?
Our Gospel in Life study this week has been idols and boy do I have a few that I need to contend with and ask God to give me victory in. I think Satan knows this too and is just throwing these idols in my face and warring against my soul. Thank goodness Jesus can conquer.
I know this is a season. I know Jesus is Lord and has given me these trials for my sanctification which means for my good and his Glory. I am praying for victory over idols that have long needed to die and that I might have true victory over them through Him. I am praying for my soul to not be downcast but to put my hope in God. I am praying that the things I "know" about God would become my "beliefs" and that I would be unwavering. I need the true gospel, not this religious thing I've created, to sink into my heart.

Heart Behind Nursing

Brynlie is now 9 weeks old. I am not a fan of nursing and not because of her but me. I began the quitting process only to find I'm back on. Why? Because God got a hold of my heart. You see the whole plan was to stop nursing to get a prescription from my doctor that aides in weight loss. All so I can fit in a pair of jeans to feel better about myself. Here's the problem though, I will still dislike myself, size 4 and all. I didn't like myself then and I don't now. I can always find flaws and things that need to be fixed. To try to find my security in my weight and looking to a medicine to be my savior is all idolatry. The Village Church is working through a study church wide called Gospel in Life. The upcoming lesson is on idolatry and yes, when you care about how you look or how much you weigh it becomes your idol. I also revisited J R Vassar's sermon about fear of man and find myself there as well involving my weight and how I look. No matter what people say or how many compliments I get, until God changes my heart I am doomed to this sin cycle. I am praying for God to break me of this selfishness that exists and may my weight no longer own me but Christ would be sufficient.
I am now nursing again after God clearly put these circumstances in front of me to lead to me to obedience which is never easy especially when I would choose another path which could become destructive. I would love to love myself and truly have eyes to see how he's created me to be. Until then maybe it's time to go shopping and get new pair of favorite jeans until my others fit.

Stresses

Been a while since I blogged. Can't imagine why! Things are going well with a 7 week old baby and two other kiddos. Better than I ever expected. One thing that is lacking is sleep and I am ready for Brynlie to get on a better schedule. It makes me tired but I know God has been gracious to give me the energy to take care of my family. Then crash when they go down!
I would classify this as a season of stress, which as I write makes me realize I am missing his blessings in the process. New baby, little sleep, Brian is traveling a lot leaving me to get everyone up in the mornings and down at night including cooking dinner, cleaning up, showers, pj's...the whole deal. To top it off, we have decided to put our house on the market to move closer to Brian's work since his commute is gradually getting longer with traffic which means vacuum lines, clean counters, and putting shower towels in hiding.
These are stresses that are going on right now. But only if I let them stress me out. Which is hard for someone who is not a "go with the flow" person. I like answers such as: When will the house sale? Where in the world are we going? When will you sleep all night Brynlie? I am looking for these things to be answered, to be my security instead of trusting God and his sovereignty to reveal, show, open up and give when it's time.
My prayer is that until then, that I will focus on the cross and it's saving grace, that God's mercies are new every morning, he will never give me more than I can handle, therefore I am right where he wants me. Dependent. And that is something I must learn.

Letting Go

This is from my sweet friend Patti who the Lord used to speak truth into my life and peace. May it speak to your heart as well as we leave out little ones in, but not of, this world (school).

It is from Jesus is Calling by Sarah Young and is written as though Christ was writing to you!

“Entrust your loved ones to me; release them into my protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands. If you let a loved one become an idol in your heart; you endanger that one-as well as yourself. Remember the extreme measure I used with Abraham and Isaac. I tool Isaac to the very point of death to free Abraham from son-worship. Both Abraham and Isaac suffered terribly because of the father’s undisciplined emotions. I detest idolatry, even in the form of parental love.

When you release loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to My hand. As you entrust other into My care, I am free to shower blessings on them. My Presences will go with them wherever they go and I will give them rest. This same Presences stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me. Watch to see what I will do. “ Jesus Is Calling, Sarah Young

Tight Rope

These days I feel like I am on a tight rope. Not a place I like to be because I like to be centered, stable, balanced, and being a tight rope requires me to fully focus on everything around and not lean towards one way or another. I am finding that balancing 3 kiddos is a bit challenging in the "attention" area. I focus mainly on Brynlie because, well, she needs me the most. I then have Abbie who helps me so we communicate, but then there is Ellie who seems to be transitioning a bit slower to a new sister. If I don't pay attention, she gets upset, and in the process Brynlie is crying too and Abbie needs me to "watch" her again. It's a never ending pull that I can't seem to balance because someone is always left out.
I know this will be, that each kid will not have individualized attention at all times, but how does a mom balance quality time with each kiddo when each kiddo feels like they need you all the time? This has been one of the biggest challenges I've noticed. Then to top it off, Abs starts kinder on Monday and this is Ellie's playmate. I can only pray over what will happen when Abs starts school and it's Brynlie, me, and....Ellie.

Lunch Box Ideas

Here are some ideas for packed lunches.

Main Dishes
Mini Ham and Cheese Quiches
Soft Chicken Tacos w/ Cheese and sour cream
Pizza
Sandwich
Annie's Stars (Think Organic Chef Boyardee-buy at Target)
Meat, Cheese, Crackers (homemade lunchable)
Crunchy Baked Mozzarella Cheesesticks
Corn Dog Muffins
Pizza Muffin (Recommend sending side of pizza sauce for dipping)
Grilled Cheese put into warmed thermos
Hot Dog (put wienie in warmed thermos and have sides for them to put together)

Another website with ideas:
Easy Lunch Boxes


Sides
String Cheese
Grapes (try freezing them too)
Strawberries
Oranges
Goldfish
Pretzels
Pirate's Booty
Apple
Raisins
Bananas
Banana Chips
Yogurt
Carrots
Ritz Crackers
Popcorn
Pineapple
Pickle Spears
Nuts
Trail Mix
Annie's Organic Fruit Chews
Archer Farms Organic Strawberry Fruit Strips


Maybe this will help with, "What's for lunch?"

Pride Comes Before the Fall?

I have to admit. I am prideful. Not in a good way, but in a selfish way. I don't ask for help and I don't like for people to help me because after all, I can do it and if I can't, something must be wrong with my perfectionism and if I ask for help then I am weak. I know what I write is foolish and my brain knows it too, but my deceitful heart tells me otherwise. Anyone else?
These past couple of days have been good but evening comes and I am one tired mama! I know Brian has been busy at work and it's hard for him to balance work and home and I understand that so when last night rolled around and I was tired, sick, and had a headache, and short tempered, I knew I had reached the end of my rope, I had to relinquish the household to him which he absolutely did with a servant's heart, however, my heart was defeated because I should have been able to "hang in" there and his day had been just as long as mine.
So, as a new mom again, who has a Type A personality, who likes to be able to do it, come to a place where they realize they can't and that God created marriage so that we can help each other? For me, this is revealing a weakness, but I think in hindsight God had to get me to a place, gently, where I have to realize I am not superwoman and that Brian wants to help and is very good at it. I can't say enough about how much he has done and there is nothing I could ever do or give him to show my appreciation and that he sees that I need a break and is willing to step in and tell me to rest. Which is exactly what I needed. Thank goodness I finally submitted and did what he said.

1 Week Done

It has been 1 week since Brynlie was born. It has gone much better than I could have ever anticipated. Brian has been instrumental in helping out during this transition. Abbie has taken a liking to her "favorite" sister and Ellie tells me, "You hold it." She'll get there. Sleep has been off and on but better than anticipated but ready to get a good solid sleep, in my own bed. Me and the chair have become too good of friends over the past week. Today we bought a Sleep Sack Swaddle. I am hoping that this will enable Itty Bitty to sleep a bit better during the early/late part of the night.She's great at sleeping in the very early morn hours.
Challenges are coming. Brian will be traveling soon for 2 days then for a week also Abbie will start Kinder the day before he leaves. That leaves me with 3 little ones trying to get one to Kinder-on time and balancing everything else. I'm already praying up over this!
God has been good and gracious--nothing I deserve and I know this full well. I can only thank him for what he has given, continue to ask for what I need, and wait on Him.

Epidural Now! Please

Thursday, July 29th was the birth of our third little girl: Brynlie Hope. And she's a cutie weighing in at a full 5 lbs 12 oz and 18 1/2 inches long. When they handed her to me I couldn't believe how little she was. (Abs was 5 lbs 13 oz and apparently Ellie was our chunker at 7 lbs 11 oz). But how she got here was not part of the birthing plan. Mine had full use of drugs in mind, but God, well, he had another plan.

10am: Doctor appointment and was dilated to a 3 when the good doc stripped the membranes which he said would cause labor in 24-48 hrs and if not, come back Monday.

11am-ish: The girls and I picked up lunch and came home just waiting for the water to break or contractions to start. Absolutely nothing happened. All day. No pain. No twinges. Nothing. Even after researching about stripping of the membranes I realized it most likely was not going to work because of the overwhelming replies I could find of women who said it had been ineffective. (Later Dr. Wilson told me it works with women who have had children prior and are dilated to at least a 2) Brian and I talked about him going to work on Friday because she wasn't coming-even though I had my heart set on it.

6:30pm: Headed to the park with the girls to "walk" her out :) When I walked quickly, I felt pressure but when I slowed or stopped, so did the pressure. We came home, bathed, watched a bit of TV with the girls, read them bedtime stories and tucked them in around 8.30.

After 8:30 pm: I worked "just in case" and did laundry and began to feel cramps but figured they were Braxton-Hicks as I have had before and continued on with our evening. The cramping did get a bit worse but I thought "real" labor pains were in the back because that is what I had with Abbie. I did begin to time them around 9:30 and they were about 5 minutes apart.

10 pm: Our insurance has a nurse hotline where you can ask questions. She informed me they don't have to go the back and that if they are 5 minutes apart for an hour, head in and we were closing in on an hour. (At this point, I was just embarrassed I'd show up at the hospital and it would not be real).

10:15 pm: Called my mom to come over because we were going to check it out. The pain was intensifying. Told Brian to not call Dr. Wilson till we got there just in case it was false. (You would think I would have understood the "realness" by now). I figured we would get to the hospital and see what they said.

10:30 pm: Jumped in the van to head to hospital. Told Brian that we needed to page Dr. Wilson. Along our drive Brian made a funny little comment about needing to get gas. Um, not funny in the middle of a contraction. Maybe I can snicker a bit now.

10:45 pm: Entered the hospital in quite a bit of pain with contractions and managed to shuffle to L&D. Brian signed us in and off to room 7 we went. Got all the hospital stuff on and the nurse guessed I was at an 8. She was wrong. She said, "No, you're at a 9. No, you're complete. The only thing that kept you from having that baby at home was that you're water didn't break."
I requested an epidural. Several times. Was denied every time. No tylenol. Not even baby tylenol. It was going to be natural. This was not part of the plan.
There were nurses everywhere. Taking blood, putting in IV's, asking me questions. They were getting ready for the very soon to be birth.
What I remember was pain. Just a constant amount of pain. I now know why women on TV scream. It hurts.
By this time, Dr. Wilson had been called and must have drove 100mph to make it. He came in, put on his gear, popped the water and said, "Push." And I did. Boy, those contractions hurt but I did what I was told to do then I heard something that almost panicked me. The cord was around her neck and her heart rate was dropping. Dr. Wilson had them put NICU on standby "just in case". He told me to focus and that we needed her out now. I just prayed God would protect her. (Unbeknownst to me at the time, he had to cut me in order to his finger in to unwrap the cord from her neck.)

11:31 pm: Brynlie was born. Safe and sound, a bit banged up. They did have a NICU nurse come in and check her. During this time I could see her, but not hold her. They wanted to make sure she was OK and that was fine by me. They took her away to check her breathing and then brought my little girl back where I thanked God she was OK.

All in all, labor was about 2 hrs. All natural. At the time I would not have chosen this route, but now that it is over, I am glad that I got to experience a natural birth. So now, Brian owes me a bumper sticker...or a badge.

Change is A'coming

Brynlie will be arriving soon. First off, I hope it's still a Brynlie! That alone would bring more change that I can comprehend right now! I am very excited about having another little one and so are the girls. Ellie tries to pick up my tummy, "Heavy." Abbie likes to talk to her through the belly button. It's been fun to see their excitement and they are ready to meet her too. It will be nice to begin to be "back to normal" or whatever that new normal will look like on me.
There are also many apprehensions I have. 3. Nonetheless, 3 girls. No longer will Brynlie be in utero and easy to tote around, she'll be in a carrier. No longer jumping up to run to the store or go out because baby in tow is weighty. Sleepless nights are inevitable. I am dreading that the most. I have been praying for God to give the gift of sleeping at night to her. I just don't know how to handle two active little girls with no sleep and Abbie will start Kinder and we have to be at school everyday by 8. My job doesn't offer maternity leave, however, it does offer me the ability to work whenever I can and I will have to adjust not having a "block" of time to sit and knock it out. It will be hard to adjust to that.
There are so many positives and even what I consider negative, I must see as sanctification!
Another sadness is that I feel true peace about this being the last pregnancy. Part of me thinks wow, this is it? No more moving tummy or kicks? No more big belly where I don't have to suck in for a bathing suit? So many women would love to be in my position and I must see this is a true blessing from above and cherish these fleeting moments. Part of me is sad about that, but the other part is ready for nurture our kiddos and see what God has in store for the trio.
Thursday is around the corner. I just pray I'm ready!