A Marriage Testimony

Over the past few weeks I’ve been thinking about our anniversary. It will be 11 years (July 7).  I am ferociously for marriages and am saddened by the ending of so many. Marriage is hard. Ask Brian. He lives with me and I know I am not an easy person to live with.

But God in his mercy has done something amazing. He has blessed this marriage, redeemed it, and continues to sanctify it. He alone. I’m stubborn, selfish, prideful, and more Type A than I care to be. But God…intervenes, changes, and gives fresh hope and new perspectives.

For the first 7 years of our marriage there was a secret sin. Never saw the signs. Never knew anything else was part of this “two shall become one” relationship until my husband confessed his porn addiction. I had watched another marriage unravel from this addiction, saw how each reacted, and witnessing their struggle I think helped me deal with Brian in a grace filled way. It was completely the Holy Spirit that allowed me to give grace to Brian, to fully forgive.

You see, in the early stages of marriage I think my gut reaction would have been to close myself off to Brian, hold this atrocity over his head most likely for the rest of his life, to be distant, not to serve and love as a wife should.  It is quite possible divorce would have been an option. But God, over the course of those 7 years was preparing my heart for the sin Brian committed against our relationship (though it should have never been a secret to start with).  He softened my heart to hear the sin, to forgive, and to walk alongside Brian to fight this battle, to pray for his heart and mind and that God would give him victory. And He did.

This was a catalyst to a much greater, deeper, richer marriage. We followed this up with Step Studies at church, an intensive 16 week program of viewing your life through the lenses of the gospel, seeing your sin for what it is, confessing, repenting, and making amends where needed.

When things don’t go according to my agenda, I have to be intentional about looking at my heart, seeing where my sinful desire or expectation is and repent when needed.  Jeremiah 17:9 says that “The heart is deceitful above all things.” I must constantly be before the Lord asking him to reveal my heart and sin.

As Brian and I have walked in this manner, talking, being open about the tough issues, checking our hearts to see where there is truth and where there are lies, it has lead to a deeper more fulfilling relationship.

I am eternally grateful that we both are being conformed to the image of his Son and that this marriage is a reflection of how Christ loves the church. I pray that God will continue his good work and look forward to where he leads us as a couple and as a family.